Friday, January 17, 2014

Worst common liturgical practice

Having been reminded elsewhere of the difference between, eg, a very Russian Russian vigil and a very convert-y touchy-feely service, I tried to think of the things I hate most when they occur. This isn't very healthy, but perhaps listing them will help me repent and heal. Or something.
  1. The "holy handshake". Please, just keep going, don't stop the liturgy and don't touch me.
  2. Stopping to explain things. I was at a service once where, right before the canon, the priest stopped the liturgy of St Basil to explain that this is the liturgy of St Basil, so the prayers are different, but they're great, so pay attention. Very disruptive, should have been mentioned during the sermon if it was to be mentioned.
  3. Gratuitous linguistic acrobatics. With the exception of Greek, because everybody must use Greek if possible no matter how poorly they do it, it's probably not a good idea for a lot of non-native speakers to try to read in some language. Singing as a group might be okay if there are a few around who actually know what they're doing, but I really dislike it when somebody tries to do "40 Lord Have Mercy" by doing a decade in each of English, Greek, Slavonic, and Swahili.
  4. Pews or chairs. Perhaps this should be first on the list. There is nothing in the world I hate more than having the sanctuary filled with rows of crap. Pews (and rows of chairs - they're morally the same) - stifle spiritual life.